Ok so I’m only 17 years and one month of age, but I am already sick of living. Is that bad?. I can’t see how people make it to 50. I’m scared I won’t. I find it tough to imagine and even comprehend how some people manage to wake up each morning and go on with their lives, knowing they have an wonderfully stimulating day ahead of them. In this society, that is what we are made to believe. It’s what we see day after day on the newsstands and on our laptop homepages. Celebrities out and about ‘living’ their lives, and then us... watching them live their lives (or is that just me?).
I’m 17 and I don’t know what to look forward to when I wake up in the morning. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know if I want toast or cereal, and I don’t know if I’ll be spending the day clued to the TV, watching endless repeats of ‘Pretty little liars’ and ‘Friends’. At times I’m so confused about life that I feel so small compared to everyone else (even though I am 1m75), I feel alone, and just completely unaccompanied. Even though I have a big brother (whose never around anymore, because he’s too busy either working, or at the gym, or obsessing over his bike and his cycling gear, or at a friends’ BBQ, or out to the pub, or at a night club), a mum whom I love very much, and a dad, whom I’d rather just not say anything about as he is not worth my breath...literally.
School holidays are meant to be pleasurable and exhilarating for everyone, but not for me. I’d much rather be at school. That way I can be away from home. But when I am at school, I wish I could jump off the sixth form bridge outside our common room just to escape the noise of everyone else around me. People annoy me. I don’t have one person in my life whom I can share my real thoughts and feelings with. No one understands, although I cannot verify that as I don’t tell people anything about me and how I feel. The girls at school are as fake as Pamela Anderson’s tits, and the boys are just rude and well, to be fair, just as fake and judgemental as the girls. Teachers are just there for the payslip and the long school breaks. Parents are just there for food and shelter. And me, what am I here for?